Make $100 the sleazy way
One man wants his stadium freebies, and he doesn't care who he has to sue to get them
By Rick Reilly
ESPN The Magazine
Brad Mangin/MLB Photos/Getty ImagesMLB has supported breast cancer research for years. But no good deed goes unpunished.
Are you a male who'd like to make $100 the sleazy way? Then I have a deal for you, but you have to act by June 25.
Of course, you'll have to cash in your basic moral decency to do it and incur the wrath of every woman in your life -- including your mom -- and feel worse about yourself than Sanjaya's barber. But we're talking $100!
Here's how to do it, but I wouldn't let the wife read this:
It so happens that on May 8, 2004, the Oakland A's had a Mother's Day promotion. There was a fight-breast-cancer 5K run before the game, free mammograms and the first 7,500 women through the gate got floppy plaid sun hats from Macy's. Nice day for the ladies.
Except that last part really hacked off a man named Alfred G. Rava. He was incensed that men weren't getting a floppy plaid sun hat for Mother's Day. He was so mad about it that he sued.
It gets worse. He has nearly won. A judge has given preliminary approval to a $510,000 settlement -- roughly half to lawyers and the rest to the "victims" -- the poor, downtrodden gender-disadvantaged waifs like Rava who didn't get their floppy Mother's Day hats. This is where you come in.
If you can prove you were one of the first 7,500 people there that day, you get $50 in cash, two-for-one A's tickets and a $25 Macy's coupon. It won't be hard. All you have to do is (A) state under oath that you are a male, (B) show some kind of receipt for your ticket and (C) swear you were there early. That's good enough. There's no video, and nobody's going to spend $5,000 deposing you about $100.
"The entire settlement should be donated to the Breast Care Center at UCSF," says A's fan Ben Huber. "No good deed goes unpunished."
So how many guys have lined up to get their rightful floppy-hat-equivalent payment that was stolen from them by those selfish Mother's Day-manipulating women? "Well, I haven't taken a single call so far," said the 1-888 operator at the firm handling claims. "And I'm here just about every day."
A's fans are not just ignoring Rava in droves; they're pissed. "The entire settlement should be donated to the Breast Care Center at UCSF," says A's fan Ben Huber. "No good deed goes unpunished."Technorati Tags: Make,stadium,sports,columnist,Email,Print,Share,Rick,ESPN,Magazine,Archive,Brad,Mangin,Images,cancer,male,June,cash,decency,wrath,woman,life,Sanjaya,Here,wife,Oakland,Mother,promotion,gate,Macy,Nice,Except,Rava,approval,settlement,victims,gender,coupon,oath,receipt,ticket,Breast,Care,Center,UCSF,Huber,payment,haven,operator,freebies,columns,Photos,lawyers,tickets,doesn,women